I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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