My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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