Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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