my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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