Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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