Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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