I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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