her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
