Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
