who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
