i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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