I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your penis caused this!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
