I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
