Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
