u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
