I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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