C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
