Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
