I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize