Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
