Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This house was built for laser tag.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
