I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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