watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
