I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
