Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
