I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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