tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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