dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
