she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
