Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
