hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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