They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
