No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
