I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
