he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
