Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
