she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
