So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
