I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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