There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
