I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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