I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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