just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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