I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
