Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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