i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
