I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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