I think I died a long time ago.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
