Can Purell be used as lube?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
