Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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