Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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