After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
