A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
