Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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