Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
