i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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