I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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