im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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