someone owes me an orgasm
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
