drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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