Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize