I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are all done wearing pants today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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