Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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