Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
