Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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