I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
