Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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