Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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