[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
