masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Still dying that you shit outside
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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