i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Terrible idea I love it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
