I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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