Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
