Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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