kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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