I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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