I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
