I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
